Being the centre of the nightclub part of town and Saturday night, Northbridge was busy and buzzing.
Jeff Green, dapper in black, opened the show in his usual chatty, rapid style, launching into hilarious anecdotes about COVID lockdown.
UK-born but nowadays settled in Melbourne, he was quick to explain how WA’s COVID lockdown was so easy compared to other states in Australia. In Melbourne even Bunnings was closed! “What do you want?” his wife asked him. Only to be told “That’s not how it works, love.” The audience was with him immediately.
Embroidering on the side effects of COVID, Green’s weight shot up due to overeating during isolation, so he joined a gym to lose the extra kilos. Thence to the bodily differences of the gym’s clientele. Body hair was examined in hilarious detail. The instructions of his personal trainer to not only build muscle (his wife’s request) but also to lose the extra weight, was spectacularly successful. On the trainer’s advice he followed a low carb diet. Cauliflower rice. “Have you ever tried it? It’s a new way to chew water.”
Now a father of two boys, one approaching adolescence, Green shared his less than successful parenting tips. His own father’s insistence on him learning to play the tuba simply reinforcing his school image as a nerd.
Being softly spoken Green embraced the use of the microphone onstage. However on the telephone he was not so successful, often being mistaken for a woman. This led to a series of phone conversations where he was addressed as Mrs Green. Humiliation!
On to a series of early Saturday morning jobs and a memorable incident working in a Welsh pub where Green chose to work on “Ladies Night”. He seriously underestimated the strength and forceful attentions of the sturdily built miners wives in a working class bar ending up in the Ladies toilet.
An extended ramble followed about an incident while enjoying his new hobby, mountain biking. Zooming down a steep hill he came upon a brown snake lying on the path ahead. Thinking little of the consequences he rode over it. The snake performed a dramatic aerial attack ending up wrapped around his torso his right leg. Panicked, he called his wife who being occupied with a podcast told him to call the poisons hotline. This lead to a series of telephone coversations with hotline telephonist.
The final instruction being to “Go home and lie prone and very still. Death occurs after seven hours!” Happily this didn’t happen which led to Green’s enormous increase in self confidence plus a side serving of “Rules don’t apply to me!”
This overconfidence surfaced in a family camping trip where Green was warned about greed driven koalas encroaching the tent after food. He was woken by an enormous koala sitting on his chest while lunging at a food filled esky. Green tackled the beast but it kept returning to lunge at him again and again. Finally he lured it away by leading him out of the tent and away following a trail of biscuits.
Green’s endearing attitude of self deprecation makes for very funny comedy. As always his timing is impeccable and his physical comedy very clever.
The audience were completely won over and finished with a rousing round of enthusiastic applause.
2022 Perth Comedy Festival
Venue: The Rechabite Hall | 224 William St, Northbridge, WA
Dates: 14 May 2022