Well stone the flamin’ crows!

It has begun.

Thats right folks, the wedding invitations have been sent out and there’s no bloody turning back now! After 39 years, Dimboola is returning to La Mama for the wedding of the century. And lets face it, everyone loves a wedding. Free food, free piss, embarrassing tales of dreadful debauchery, and the high possibility of a shag before the night is out! You can expect all this & more when we freakish folk at Fly On The Wall put on the dirtiest, most inappropriate wedding ceremony since Britney and K-Fed tied the knot!

If you haven’t received an invite yet, the bride & groom probably don’t like you very much. Either that, or perhaps they were so drunk when you spent that sensual night together, up against the wall out the back of ol’ Horries’ place that they’ve forgotten your name. Whatever the case, stuff ‘em, there’s no wucken furries there mate ‘cos this is the one wedding that you can bloody invite yourself to!! So if you haven’t already, book up a guest table quickly, and you might just have the best bloody night of your life!!

 

And while you’re waiting for the big night to come, you can whet your voyeuristic appetite right here, as the whole wedding rehearsal process is painfully documented in a blog just for you. Un-scripted, uncensored and unorthodox as a pigs fart on Sunday, you can check in to see just what ( and who ) we’ve been doing during the week.

 

So pull up a pew, crack one open and settle down each week for the potentially lurid, vomit inducing, pant wetting debauchery that will be:

 

“DIMBOOLA: The Matrimonial Makings Of A Monster.”**

 

 And without further Ado, its on to the first official entry:

 

 

SUNDAY 24th FEBRUARY - First Ensemble Rehearsal

 

For those of you wondering why your dog was going all coyote ugly, howling at the wind, and why old Nanna was writhing about on the floor clutching her hearing aid on Sunday morning, I must apologise. No, Nanna was not attempting to “get funky krump style,” she and Poochy were merely reacting to the ear-piercing sounds of Marie-Therese, or M.T. as her homies call her, belching out a heart stopping rendition of the old classic “Why was he born so beautiful?”.

 

In fairness, it was not just her. Director Robert Chuter - obviously a glutton for punishment - had decided to begin rehearsals with a good old sing-along to prepare us all for the lashings of musical bawdiness in store for us in Dimboola. Everyone had a chance to belt out their own “special,” often tone-deaf rendition of the old ditty. M.T.’s however, was the only one that set off car alarms within a five block radius! Sound patterns collated from the Hubble Telescope have since informed me that she was indeed it pitch-perfect tune, so at least thats one saving grace! After the aural infringement process of Sunday morning, however, I am thinking of suggesting earplugs to be supplied with each ticket!

 

Hmmmm.... Mental note: Check to see if wearing earplugs would improve or detract from the quality show.

 

A word too must be said for Phil Roberts, who dealt out dreadfully fantastic versions of all of the songs to be included in Dimboola, while at the same time covering the entire room & rest of the cast in a fine layer of spittle! Don’t get me wrong, the ladies love that Phil-spit, and it did add a certain exhilarating slipperiness to the day’s proceedings! On that note, he was “playing” drunk, wasn’t he? He didn’t simply wander in to rehearsal accidentally from the pub next door? He wasn’t the one I saw sleeping in the alleyway next to the bins and the cat wee when I arrived, was he?

 

Hmmmm.... Mental note: Check that Phil Roberts is actually in the play.

 

Moving along....

 

Working on cast dynamics was the aim of the day, getting everyone familiar with their relationships to each other. A simple task for the usual production, but with a cast of over 13 core members, all onstage, all the time, this proves a little more challenging. It’s hard enough controlling the amass of extroverted individual personalities of the cast members themselves let alone their characters as well. But of course Mr Chuter is at the helm of this salty swashbuckle, and with a couple of well timed cracks of his long black whip, he has mustered the wild beasts into submission.

 

Now you may be wondering where on earth we got a whip for the rehearsals from, but it wasn’t actually planned that way, Rob just brought one from home. Apparently he has a collection. Oh, and don’t worry about the cast, Rob assures me there is a safety word if things start getting too rough. Hopefully he’s told them what it is.

 

Hmmmm.... Mental note: Check to see if Rob has told all cast members the safety word***.

 

And so was the first ensemble rehearsal. Full of laughter, debauchery, dulcet tones, and irish tongues, all interspersed with the familiar CRACK of the Chuter’s whip. The cast did a stellar job, with all in top form - although sadly not in the singing stakes, perhaps we need just a few more tonal lessons to keep the EPA away. An honourable mention must also be made to Dan McBurnie & Chris Pender, who took to the rehearsal like they’d been playing drunken, obnoxious, dirty little shits their entire lives. Well done chaps, bravo!

 

 

 

Until next time my little bloggeroo’s, stay tuned for the next installment of:

 

“DIMBOOLA: The Matrimonial Makings Of A Monster.”**

 

=Lachlan - as dry as a dead dingoes donga - MacLeod=

 

Directors Assistant/Assistants Director.

 

Fly On The Wall Theatre.

 

 

**This is obviously a working title and is to be honest, pretty shit, so I invite anyone - nay, I CHALLENGE anyone - to come up with a better title that I may use for this soon to be “award winning” blog.

 

***What is the safety word? You tell me.... Let me know your favourite sexy safety word and I’ll see if I can integrate it into rehearsals...Just think, you could be saving a sexy cast member’s sexy life, if the whip cracking starts getting a little too freaky!!