You will have to excuse me if I am a bit more scatterbrained than usual this blog, but I am still coming down from the excitement of doing an on-air ABC Radio interview with John Faine which also featured the likes of Lisa McCune and Ian Stenlake, while next door, none other than Peter Russell-Clarke was making a salad, in fisherman pants! So much excitementin so little space!! 

Chris Pender and myself fumbled our way through the interview like consummate professionals, not hitting on or feeling up anyone for the entire half-hour. It was somewhat odd having the high-profile actors of Guys and Dolls - set to open in one of Melbourne’s largest theatres, - interviewed with the not so high profile (yet) actors of Dimboola - that is playing at one of Melbourne’s smallest theatres. But Chris and I weren’t intimidated at all, making the point abundantly clear that unlike Lisa and Ian, we had entirely sold out our show!

Aside from John Faine’s passive aggressive jibe at our show’s irresponsible stance on drinking in light of the Wayne Carey interview, the interview seemed to go swimmingly - even if both Chris and myself had no idea what we had actually said once the interview was over. Oh well, there’s been no abusive texts or complaint calls yet, so here’s hoping we didn’t say anything to stupid.  

But now, on to more important things. What the hell has been happening since the last blog, just before opening night? 

Well, my, my, my, what a mind-blowing first week we have had.

I’ve got tales that’ll make your eyes stand out on the end of their stalks. 

But you know what they say, ‘what happens in Dimboola stays in Dimboola!’

Well.....some of it, anyway.

After the dismal efforts of the dress-disaster, we were all anxious about opening, so before the virgin performance we got together for a line run to solidify our knowledge and re-emphasize the relationships between characters and the text. Whether it was this, or the fact that the dress-rehearsal had scared the bejeezus out of everyone, I’m not sure, but opening night was as smooth as Dan McBurnie’s arse after its weekly wax. Aside from the lack of smoke and flames, we were on fire! And the audience were loving it. 

From the opening improvisations in the courtyard to the closing farewell to the bride and Groom, the opening audience were adopting characters and playing along with all of our lewd frivolities! And thank god, because this was an audience we had all been crapping ourselves over impressing. It was only in the closing moments of the play that I fully realised that we had done a good job, when, as exiting the courtyard to drive off into the sunset with my newly blushing bride I felt a hand clamp down on my arm and yank me back through the gate. When I looked up it was none-other than Jack Hibberd himself, pulling me close and congratulating Morrie on his marriage, his eyes filled with the pride and joy of a father sending his own son off on his honeymoon. 

Either that, or he was just pissed from all the sherry we had been plying him with all night!

After that, the pressure was off. We had successfully navigated our way through the pool of opening night piranas, emerging victorious on the other side. Only 19 more performances to go. But after opening night was dead and buried, the rest would be easy as piss, right? Right? 

Wrong.

Having now completed seven performances of Dimboola, if there is one thing that I have learned from each successive performance it is that IN DIMBOOLA, ANYTHING CAN (and most likely will) HAPPEN! With the masses of improvisation interspersed with the written dialogue, the lashings of beer and sherry consumed by the cast, the mountains of party pies, sausage rolls, lamingtons and merangues being moved around the space at lightning speed, and the raucous punch-ups, evictions and chases winding their way in and around the packed in audience members, Dimboola is a perfect recipe for chaos to ensue. From one performance to the next there is no telling what may happen around the next bend, making for an interesting night out fro both the audience and the cast as well.

Here’s just a short list of the top 5 unexpected additions to the play we were intending on presenting (in order of my own personal preference):

5 - The performance that happened to coincide with Earth Hour, forcing us into an impromptu candlelit start to proceedings. 

I’m not sure what the audience could see, but all I could make out was the dark blur of Australian slang. For all i know there may not have even been an audience there for that hour. How we didn’t crash into the tables and set the whole building on fire I will never know!

4 - The unexpected impromptu gastric pressure-releases of even more unexpected cast members. 

Never have I performed a play with so much belching. And the sweet little mouths that they come out of. You’d never have guessed it! None other than Liz McColl, Natasha Jacobs, and yes, you guessed it M.T. herself! The burps that come out of these sweet and innocent looking ladies are enough to make your eyes water. My only qualm about the burping is that I believe I could have a career as a professional burpiste, but due to my character I can’t show off my talents as much as I’d like during the show. That and it is extremely hard to stay in character when you are pissing yourself laughing at the whopper M.T. just dropped!

3 - Dylan Lloyd’s over-exaggerated aversion to nuts and Jason Buckleys detest for functioning tables.

I’ve heard of extreme nut allergies and am more than aware of the dangers facing those afflicted with anaphylaxis, but I also know for a fact that Dylan Lloyd is a thug who just does not like bowls of nibbles. He displayed his distaste spectacularly one night when after being offered a bowl of nuts and nibbles he replied with a swift swipe of the tray carrying the bowls of entrees. This sent nuts and pizza shapes galore flying around the room only to be ground into a fine powder on the floor in the ensuing chaos. Jason also displayed his table thuggery by slamming crotch first into the bridal table and flattening everything on it to the exhilarated gasps of the audience and the shrill scream of M.T. as she watched her precious sherry spill to the floor.

2 - Jason Buckley’s subtle up-chuck dilemma. 

I’ve decided to tell this story as Jase was recently overheard complaining about not being featured enough on the blog. Hopefully this will ease his concerns. This was possibly the funniest thing I had seen in years, when mid-line during his drunken speech as Father O’shea, all of the strained fake-burping he had been doing during the performance finally caught up with him and Jason unfortunately had a partial up-chuck. Not everyone in the audience may have noticed it, but for some it was obvious as a small sliver of precious vom snaked its way down the side of Jason’s mouth. Stuck mid-sentence, he was faced with quite the dilemma. A monologue needed to be performed, but couldn’t get out past the mouthful of vomit. So, Jase did what any consummate professional would have done in the situation and rather than release the mouthful onto the head of Natasha Jacobs, he bravely and gloriously sucked in the little vommy sliver and swallowed the lot back down, proceeding on with the dialogue as if nothing had happened. I’m not sure whether the audience fully comprehended what had just occurred, but rest assured it kept the rest of the cast in constant hysterics for the next couple of days and will continue to bring a smile to my face every time I remember it. Well done Jase, well done!

1 - The fantastic face-plant of Juliana Clements.

Definitely the most spectacular exit from the theatre that I have seen in many a year was that of Juliana during our saturday matinee. When storming out of the theatre at one point during the play, Juliana ‘slipped’ on ‘something’ and went head first into the unforgiving floor of La Mama, taking a table of beer and glasses with her. Unfortunately she chose to use her face to break her fall rather than the traditional hands method, resulting in a nice fat lip and bruised cheekbone. I’m not sure that the audience knew whether this was or wasn’t supposed to happen, as Juliana - being the trooper that she is - stayed in character after the fall calling for her bridesmaid Shirl and fleeing outside. The impromptu ice filled floral apron that she held to her face for the rest of the performance may have just seemed like a planned prop for the audience, it did kind of match the 60’s theme. It was a spectacular fall and Juliana did well not to be too thrown by it (and not to have knocked out any teeth as well!). Oh well, I suppose if nothing else, the fat-lip did add some mysterious and interesting if unintentional subtext to the next performance!

And that my friends is only the top five, after just 7 performances. So much more to come, and so little time to tell it all.

Until next time my little bloggeroo’s, stay tuned for the next installment of:

“DIMBOOLA: The Matrimonial Makings Of A Monster.”

=Lachlan - no worries, she just fell down a flight of stairs, didn’t you honey  - MacLeod=

Directors Assistant/Assistants Director.

Fly On The Wall Theatre.