There are many qualities that one looks for in a theatrical producer. 

Efficiency, professionalism, an iron fist, the buns of an ancient Greek olympian, and of course, the ability to be a ruthless tight-arsewhen dealing with a limited budget.

Sometimes you get lucky and find a producer who has all these skills. And then sometimes you hit the jackpot and discover a producer extraordinaire who not only embodies all of these qualities innately, but can also dance like the bastard love child of Fred Astaire and Jennifer Beals! 

Doug Montgomery is one such bastard! 

Juliana Clements and myself were fortunate enough to have a one hour Bridal Waltz tutorial with the Flashdance himself. Seeing our producer twinkletoe around the performance space filled us with awe and wonder. How had this man been rejected from So You Think You Can Dance Australia? The mind boggles!

Unfortunately, Juliana and myself were not so proficient at the fancy footwork demonstrated to us. To be quite honest I was no better than a bag of dung on Tuesday. Luckily for me the hapless groom, Morrie, is meant to be a crap dancer. I’m not sure what Juliana’s excuse was.** Waltzing around while dodging the mine-field of beer bottles, tables, chairs and audience members is set to be a difficult task, so if you are planning to attend Dimboola, and will be sitting near the front (thats everyone at La Mamma Im afraid) may I suggest wearing Bluntstones or some other shoe of the steel-capped variety. Just a tip!

Ensemble rehearsals are progressing at full speed, with our able seaman*** Rob Chuter at the helm. Chuter’s sledgehammer detailing of the play’s second half had some of the 16 strong cast saying “when will he get to me?” while others screamed “when will he stop?” But good work was forged in the smelter of La Mamma as Rob picked apart each moment to make every second of the raucous play count. Unfortunately with some cast members unable to be present we were again working with some stand-ins in various roles. But luckily for us, our friend in the frudge, stage manager and sheep-shagger anonymous Keiran King gave an arousing rendition of Father O’shea. Although he looked as though he was getting into it a bit too much! Better watch out Jason, or before you know it your role could be re-cast!

While Keiran’s metamorphosis from Kiwi to seedy Irish priest was an eye-opener in its self, the other amazing ability that was revealed during rehearsals this week was that of Dylan - hairier than your grandma - Lloyd’s amazing burping ability. Never before have I seen such a commanding belcher, able to provide earth-trembling burps with pin-point accuracy on cue every single time! If ever acting work dries up for him, I’m sure a one man show entitled Burp-a-rama: the musical could be easily arranged to see him through the drought. In a play about drinking and debauchery, if only we all could belch as well as the master himself! Perhaps we will need to organize some lessons pre opening night in order to make sure we really wow the critics!!

Until next time my little bloggeroo’s, stay tuned for the next installment of:

“DIMBOOLA: The Matrimonial Makings Of A Monster.”

=Lachlan - buuuuuuuuuuuuuurp - MacLeod=

Directors Assistant/Assistants Director.

Fly On The Wall Theatre.

**Yes, I am telling a bit of a fib here. Juliana is actually quite good, I’m just a little jealous at the way Doug swept her off her feet and around the room!

***Im sure there’s a joke here somewhere but I’m not sure if I’m game enough to try it!